Empowering Ambitious Empaths: Strategies for Success with Dr. Stephanie Grunewald
Dr. Stephanie Grunewald is an alignment strategist and founder of Ancorio. With over a decade of experience as a psychologist, Stephanie empowers ambitious empaths through mastermind groups, transformative programs, and reset retreats. Her work, grounded in research based strategies, focuses on helping women balance empathy with ambition, fostering resilience, and achieving professional success while maintaining personal well-being.
Listen to the full episode here.
LINKS
ON THIS EPISODE
[00:01:10] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on what she’s most passionate about?
[00:01:46] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on where her passion for supporting women comes from
[00:03:37] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on her childhood
[00:03:36] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on what inspired her to get into psychology
[00:06:32] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on starting Restorative Counseling in 2017
[00:08:35] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on explaining what an alignment strategist is
[00:11:40] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on the different services she provides
[00:14:55] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on the ambitious empath
[00:17:06] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on why being emotional is frowned on
[00:20:55] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on turning emotional weakness into a strength
[00:23:04] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on why alignment promotes a sustainable approach to ambition
[00:25:10] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on tips for someone who wants to their alignment journey?
[00:27:52] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on using self-compassion to unlock power
[00:29:44] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on how self-compassion boosts confidence
[00:30:51] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on her best habit
[00:33:04] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on habits she see in successful people
[00:34:20] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on how she defines success
[00:37:05] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on tips for transforming challenges into opportunities
[00:39:22] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on on never being bored
[00:40:24] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on on some success stories from her clients
[00:43:50] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on the question that we're not asking you about alignment that we should be
[00:44:36] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on how people can find her
[00:45:02] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on her mantra
[00:47:43] Dr. Stephanie Grunewald on her dream for yourself and her dream for women
TRANSCRIPT
Passionistas: Hi, we're sisters, Amy and Nancy Harrington, the founders of The Passionistas Project. We've created an inclusive sisterhood where passion driven women come to get support, find their purpose, and feel empowered to transform their lives and change the world. On every episode, we discuss the unique ways in which each woman is following her passion, talk about how she defines success, and explore her path to breaking down the barriers that women too often face.
Today, we're talking with Dr. Stephanie Grunewald, an alignment strategist and founder of Ancorio. With over a decade of experience as a psychologist, Stephanie empowers ambitious empaths through mastermind groups, transformative programs, and reset retreats. Her work, grounded in research based strategies, focuses on helping women balance empathy with ambition, fostering resilience, and achieving professional success while maintaining personal well-being.
So please welcome Dr. Stephanie Grunewald. So nice to have you.
Stephanie: Thank you so much. It's lovely to be here.
Passionistas: Stephanie, what are you most passionate about?
Stephanie: Well, I'm, you know, it's hard to pick just one thing, but I would say that I am really passionate about helping women reconnect with who they truly are and to help them make choices that really align with their values and desires.
And what I mean by that is my ultimate goal is really to help them to move beyond the unrealistic expectations that they've placed on themselves so they can navigate life with more confidence and clarity and embrace their strengths so that they can really live the life that they dream of.
Passionistas: So where does that passion for supporting women come from?
Stephanie: Well, um, I'll be honest, it came from kind of a twist and turn in my life. I mean, as a psychologist, I had created a practice, and it really fulfilled me in many ways, but, um, my mom had become sick with early onset Alzheimer's, and ultimately, after she passed away, I just went into this like really deep reflective state and I felt a calling to help differently than I had been in my practice.
And so during that time we were still in the midst of COVID and I had found hiking as sort of a way to work through my grief. And I very vividly recall on one of my hikes like I was just processing like how am I spending my life and how am I helping people and is this really what I feel called to do?
And that's really where kind of the epiphany came that. As a psychologist, you help after things have really become, um, intense, and I wanted to be more proactive, and I also was just kind of recognizing that a common theme with a lot of the women that I was working with is that they felt really lonely, and so that really kind of sparked my idea of why not create a more community based focus, and so I wanted to try to help support these women not only in making changes, but trying to do so before ever.
Things really became dire for them and giving them a community so that it wasn't just, you know, you get to check in with me on a weekly basis. You have a whole team of people and I know you guys get this and understand that with The Passionistas Project and everything that you're doing there. So that, that's really kind of how all of this came to be.
Passionistas: So what inspired you to get into psychology?
Stephanie: So I actually started out in mechanical engineering. Um, it's quite a pivot. Yes.
And I mean, that really came out of kind of a necessity. I struggled, um, socially in high school. And so. They had an apprenticeship program and of the options available, mechanical engineering felt like the best one. And what it really allowed me to do is I only had to go to high school half the day, I worked half the day, and then I took college courses at night.
And what was really appealing to me is it meant I didn't have to be in my high school for lunch. So that was kind of a self-preservation, using my education to get me out of a difficult situation. And I loved my apprenticeship, but honestly, once I went to college to pursue it, it became very quickly apparent that like, this was just not the path for me.
Um, I loved doing the work, but there was no way I was going to get through the college classes to actually do that or earn that degree to be able to do the work. And I didn't love the idea of kind of being behind a computer all the time. And so I. Realized I needed to leave that, um, that dream, I guess, behind, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do next.
I really didn't have an idea, so I moved back home with my mom, and I actually saw a movie about a school psychologist who was helping a girl who was being bullied at school, and so that's really, like, it just really resonated with me, and I thought, I want to be that person. So, That led me to pursue school psychology, and to be honest, I was not planning on getting my PhD.
I was interviewing at a college, and one of the professors I interviewed with is like, well, why are you only going to get this degree? Why wouldn't you get that one too? And I'm like, I don't want to write a dissertation. Like, that was not an interest of mine. And I'm so glad that he raised the question, because ultimately what that allowed me to do was, you know, open up a whole new horizon, because although my degree was in school psychology, I then went on to do a postdoctoral study at Rush University, and that led to my passion with clinical work, and I was involved in research, and so, All these pieces just kind of came together and I still use that today in terms of I'm very research oriented.
I want to make sure that the things I'm doing aren't just willy nilly and make sure I really know what the possible implications of what I'm doing with people would be. And, um, yeah, I mean, I really, I do feel so blessed because I love my work. Um, I'm very fortunate in that, like, I feel like I get to show up and do something I really love every day.
And then turning it into this new opportunity, just, it really feels. Like the right fit, you know, when things just sort of click, it's, it's a feeling and that's the place I'm in right now.
Passionistas: Absolutely. When you find your purpose, you know it, you can feel it. Absolutely. Exactly. Yeah. So tell us about, um, starting Restorative Counseling in 2017.
How'd that come about?
Stephanie: Interestingly enough, Also never a plan of mine, right? Like I think we're finding a theme here where Stephanie creates a plan and then the universe is like, that's cute. We have a reality check for you. And so, um, I had been working in a private practice and I transitioned from the suburbs of Chicago into the city.
And this was a time where like the IRS was starting to crack down on psychology practices, physician, and like dental practices who were Making people contractors when really they were like an employee based kind of position. And so I give you this background because I just signed my contract. I think I was maybe there for like a month or two.
And they're like, we're going to change you from a contractor to an employee. And the new contract was just not something I was going to sign. So I had two weeks to make a decision. And I was like, well, I either sign this And I did that with a goal of either, you know, I'm going to create a business or go out on my own.
And so, well, we know what I did. I decided that in that two weeks I would find a space, create a company and just do it. And when you kind of are forced in a situation like that, like they're, failure isn't an option. And so I just, with no business experience or intent to be a business owner, I just kind of kept figuring it out as I was going along and it grew faster than I ever expected.
I mean, I started out. Renting one office in a five office suite. And within three years I was remodeling the entire suite and had taken it over. And then of course we finished our remodel in February and March is when COVID hit. And everything just sort of shifted again. So, Flexibility, resilience, and going with the flow are really themes that I've become familiar with in my life.
Passionistas: Oh my god, it's uh, it's amazing isn't it how the universe just kicks us along whether we're ready for it or not. Yep, exactly. So you are a work life alignment strategist. What is, what does that mean?
Stephanie: Great question. Um, I coined the term because after transitioning from a psychologist to being an alignment strategist, I played around with like, what do I want to call myself?
I do not follow a traditional coaching model. I, I went and did a three month coaching program because when I made this transition from practicing psychology, and I'm still practicing psychology, but they're very separate and I, you know, keep them in separate spaces. But within the coaching world, like as I was going through the training, I just knew that wasn't how I wanted to show up with the people who I wanted to work with.
I do have a rich background in different strategies and things. And so it sort of felt like, okay, that isn't where I fit and psychology isn't fully where I fit. So I decided to make my own box and that's where I've landed. And really what it is, is it's kind of a combination of coaching and consulting in that I will provide a lot of resources and I use.
What I know about psychology, I don't practice psychology in this, but you know the mindset and different ways that we can get blocked and how to move past that and then also Tapping into that like type A brain that really helped me when I was in my mechanical engineering path, I can help create a roadmap with them so that they don't feel like they're floundering the way I was when I just was like, okay, well, gee, I'm going to be a practice owner now.
What does that mean? And so that's really kind of how I try to work with people and the alignment piece. It's so much more than just work and life. Like, I really want people to understand, like, what are your values and deep down desires, and how do we make sure that everything you do aligns with that?
And alignment was something I landed on because so many people try to get this elusive balance, and I think we can all agree, like, you just, I don't know about you, I guess I shouldn't say that, but I've never achieved it, ever. There is always something falling, and so alignment was kind of my realization of why don't I just focus on one thing at a time.
I don't need to juggle all the balls in the air at every moment, I need to focus on certain areas, but making sure they really line up. Because I think this elusive idea of work life balance is the idea that you're supposed to 50 50. It's supposed to be a balanced skill. And there were times in my life where my family needed to be 90 percent of my attention and my work was 10.
And then there were times where it was completely reversed and I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong. It was what I needed. And that's where making sure you're aligning with your values at the core of everything you do, rather than some arbitrary expectation that other people say you're supposed to be working towards.
Passionistas: Yeah, absolutely. I love that. We were actually talking with someone yesterday who said they were reading a book called Liar about the myth of finding balance in your life. It's, it's true. It's not, it's not possible. Something always suffers, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So talk about the different services that you provide in your business.
Stephanie: I mean, I was really conscientious of the fact that. Nobody comes in at the same point, so they all need different things. And so I've created a variety of offerings to try to support the women in the various stages they might be in. So the priority though, in everything that I do is the community based.
So I'm really trying to create a strong support system for women where they can connect and grow and really just honestly thrive together. So my mastermind group is called the WISE Community. It's Women Empowering Success. I'm sorry, Women Inspiring Success and Empowerment. I should be able to tell you my own acronym.
But that's really a space where the women can come together and inspire and empower each other, right? That's where the name came from. And so individuals can join this at any time, and it's just kind of a rolling enrollment where people come together. We have think tank opportunities. We can problem solve through individual difficulties and things like that.
Um, and it's really just ideal if you're looking for some ongoing support and connection with like-minded women. And I know one of the main questions I get asked is like, well, what is a mastermind group? Is it like a networking group? What does that mean? And the mastermind group is really where you don't have to pretend to have it all figured out.
You're not showing up and trying to sell yourself. You get to show up and say, I'm struggling here. I'm stuck on this. I don't know what to do here. And feel like you get some collective help. Now, of course, we do network and we help each other in that way, but it really gives you that space to be more vulnerable and honest with where you're struggling and what you might need.
Then, um, my next tier is the Total Life Reset Program, and this is based on, I've created what I call the Reset Method, and it's a series of steps that I work with everyone to help them kind of build upon the different phases of what they need. And so I work with. Alignment, Action, and Awareness. Those are kind of the three key pillars that we work through so that we can address the mindset, the behaviors, and the outcomes.
Um, and the program is, like I said, it's more structured and you go through a cohort. So we all begin and end together. And then finally, for those who really need to just sort of get away from their day to day, I have what I call the Reset Retreats, and this was really inspired from my own experience with how transformative taking that time to go and be in nature was, and I know people get a little nervous because they're like, Are you expecting me to camp or hike or like, what are we talking about here?
And it's more luxurious than that. Like I am somebody who hikes and I come and I sleep in a really cozy hotel. Um, but what I've done is I've tried to just create spaces where we can go on leisurely walks. You have opportunities to go and connect with nature, but really it's about resetting your internal clock, giving you time to not have everybody tugging at you, not having to.
So, when you're trying to deal with all the competing demands, your focus is solely on yourself and on connecting with the people there. So, there's a lot of opportunities to come together as a community as well as space to just go and kind of recharge and realign on your own.
Passionistas: Wow, that's a lot. That's amazing that there's so much flexibility depending on what you need. We saw something on your website called an ambitious empath. So, tell us about that.
Stephanie: Yeah, so when I decided to create Ancorio,. there was kind of this persona that I had in mind and it was these women who I was working with who were very high achieving, but they were also really deeply sensitive. And so, as I told you, I spent my whole life being too sensitive, too emotional, however you want to label that.
And so there was just sort of this. so much for joining us today and I hope you have a great rest of your day and I'll see you next time. and build deep connections and navigate challenges with like a different sort of understanding I think but it can be really challenging because let's face it our world definitely prioritizes ambition over empathy and so what I try to do is help them really see beyond the surface and the subtleties in people and situations and how they're kind of automatically responding and where maybe they need to be a little bit more protective.
It's okay to say no and let your colleagues sit in the discomfort of having to do this project versus you having to take it on because you don't want to make someone feel upset. Right. And so really, um, it's been interesting to see the women who have come together because there is like, I do an interview with anyone before they can join my mastermind because there's a lot of ambitious people out there and I commend them, but there's not a lot of people who are both ambitious and empathic and being able to create a space where the women really can express their sensitivity helps because, you know, we feel so overwhelmed by the emotions of everyone else, by the burden we put on ourselves to take care of everyone else. And this is a space where they can actually be taken care of.
Passionistas: Wow. I love that so much. Um, yeah, in today's world, you're right. You just, you know, it's not, it's frowned upon to be emotional, especially as a woman, right?
Exactly. Yeah. Where do you think that, where do you think that comes from? Where does that stem from?
Stephanie: I mean, I would say misogyny. I'm not trying to sit here and blame the patriarchy, right, but I think, like, when we think about how our country was built, it was, from what I can see in the history textbooks, a bunch of stoic white men who decided what was going to be deemed successful, and what's been interesting is how it sort of shifted to meet their narrative over the years, and somehow women are just And I was never quite fitting that mold.
And that's where I was like, Oh, why do we keep trying to fit considering it changes all the time? Like, let's just forget that and find our own path forward. And so that's really what I'm trying to do here.
Passionistas: Yeah, politics aside. There was a moment during, um, the Democratic National Convention where a woman spoke about how she was having a hard time in Congress.
And she happened to meet Kamala Harris for the first time that, during, in the midst of that. And she walked up to the receiving line and had never met her before. And the first thing Kamala Harris said to her is, what's wrong? And she started to cry. And so there's this like line forming behind her and she's crying and Kamala's wiping the tears away from her eyes and just talking to her about the pressures of being this new congresswoman and she was in the spotlight because she had this controversial thing that happened.
And it was so, again, politics aside, it was as a woman who worked in business with a lot of men and was super emotional, it was like, oh my god, they just normalized women being upset in the workplace. Everybody like that is such a huge moment. Hope everybody takes it in. You know?
Stephanie: How powerful to be so seen Right.
As a human being. Right. You don't have to be stoic and have it all together all the time.
Passionistas: Yeah. Not to be embarrassed by the fact that you just cried in front of the vice president of the United States, you know? Right, right. She was cool. Yeah. And the other moment during the DNC was Tim Walz's son, right?
Because, you know, men are not supposed to be emotional at all. And, you know, that was such a beautiful moment when Gus got emotional about his dad and, you know, it was, it was, you know, poo pooed. It was like, you know, why is this young man crying? And it's just, it's such a, A sad thing in our society that emotion is such a negative thing.
Stephanie: I mean, I have absolutely no research to support this, but I think the reason emotions are so negatively viewed is because they're difficult to manage. And we historically have not been taught how to manage them. I know that was even true for myself. Like. It wasn't like we sat down and talked about, well, why are you having this strong response?
Right? It was just don't have it. And I think that's why it just continues to be shot down is because it makes people uncomfortable. They don't have that skill set. They'd rather focus on the hard skills and the things that make them successful rather than recognizing there's a whole other side of human nature that can really, you know, And, you know, even just the, the willingness to ask someone what's wrong.
I'm just thinking about how powerful that is for anyone going about their day to have that permission to say, Hey, yeah, not only do I show up and put on my worker bee hat, I'm a human being with a whole life outside of this too.
Passionistas: So how do we do that? How do we make that switch from making the, of the.
Emotional weakness to turning it into a strength.
Stephanie: Progress over perfection. I mean, you have to recognize that even myself, right, like I've been practicing psychology for over a decade now, and I can't tell you that I have perfect days. I get overwhelmed. I have floods of emotions. And so I think like it's really about just awareness, first and foremost, recognizing like, What might have contributed?
So like, I know for me, if I don't sleep well, I'm going to be prone to being a little bit more emotional, and maybe not feeling as in control of them as I'd always like. So like, that's a foundational piece for me. But then also just kind of knowing that like, You know, I don't think we get to pick how we feel.
There are days where like my grief just comes out of nowhere. And it's just a reminder of like, Hey, yeah, you're still dealing with this. And you guys know, it's not something you ever stop dealing with. And it's not something you get to choose when you deal with. And so I think just being able to incorporate that into.
The way you perceive yourself too and know that like 100 percent looks different every single day. I'm able to compartmentalize and show up for my clients and then I might need to shut myself down and take care of myself differently at the end of the day because I'm going through my own emotions and so I think it's just kind of holding space, acknowledging them, and to adjust this idea that every day we have to only achieve.
Sometimes it's just enough to get through it. And so that's where the progress over perfection comes in and making sure we focus on growth and not just outcomes.
Passionistas: Yeah. Even in the best of days, you think you, you know, you can be in a great place. And then a song comes on the radio and you're like, here I go.
Stephanie: A smell, a sound. I mean, so many things it's so easily triggered in our brains.
Passionistas: Yeah. So, um, why is it that alignment promotes such a sustainable approach to ambition?
Stephanie: Well, that's a really good question. I think because it's fluid and flexible and evolving, right? Like, you don't just achieve alignment, you continue to work towards it.
And so, like, when I help people, Identify what alignment means for them. It does. It starts with your core values, and then it really focuses on evaluating your daily life. I think we as a society, too, like, we put these, like, pressure markers of, like, the New Year is when you get to evaluate how you've been doing, and the end of the year, did you accomplish everything?
And what are you going to do? But I think it's more about, like, these occasional checkpoints to just assess, like, Am I really living in the way that I want to? I mean, this can relate to your daily actions, your relationships, everything, and just giving yourself an opportunity to kind of review, because even myself, right, like I think I'm on this track and I know, but I caught myself the other day where I was working really late again.
And I'm like, hold on, you're, you're not doing this anymore. You're not working towards burnout. Why are you still working? Shut the laptop, shut down for the night. And that's where like those regular check ins I think are also really helpful. So, um, just knowing that it is an ongoing practice that ensures you're constantly checking in with yourself and being really aware, because values also change over time, right?
Like, when I was starting my practice, I valued that. Then as my mom progressed, it was like, ooh, I value flexibility in my schedule more than anything so I can spend time with her and get there. And now I'm really trying to build a life that, you know, the, the quote or the idea of building life that you don't need to take a vacation from, that's kind of my goal.
I want every day to feel like I'm living my best life and that does require shifts and changes and so that also kind of goes back to what I'd said before about progress over perfection. I think that's why alignment is so powerful is because it's, it's flexible. It allows you to grow and change and adapt.
Passionistas: Yeah. So, um, what, do you have like a few tips that someone could start just easily starting on their alignment journey?
Stephanie: Yeah. I mean, like I said, I think there's kind of three key areas. One is just start by clarifying, what are your core values? And if you're stuck on what this means, there's a million and one different like worksheets on the internet that you can look at.
And for me, it's really just kind of looking at, Like, I'll look at the, the words that they put out there as values, and then I really try to think about like, well, what would that mean in my life? How would I show up in? Representing this value and just kind of really being intentional with what I'm picking.
And then for me, I kind of practice like the daily evaluation actually starts with the intention in the morning. So I try to just take a minute and think again about like, well, what am I saying I value most? How will I know if I've Demonstrated that in my actions today. And then at the end of the day, I kind of do the same thing.
I both check on what did I accomplish today, but also did I show up the way I wanted to? Because for me, it's not just about what I've gotten done. It's also, you know, like I said, maybe some days instead of trying to work through lunch, I let myself go sit outside and really enjoy it. so much for joining us today and I hope you have a great rest of your day and I'll see you next time.
And somewhere out there, somebody decided that 14 days felt like a really good timeline to tell people that's what it takes to establish a habit. When the reality is, research shows it takes 66 days. And when I tell people that, they're like, what? And, um, the, I mean, that's the average was 66 days. But for some people that, that range went all the way up to a full year.
And so I say this because again, it's about patience. It's about knowing that You don't just achieve alignment because you wake up one day and think you're going to do it. It is a practice that you keep doing over and over again. And so those check ins, I mean, I do them daily, but then I also have like bigger kind of check ins when there are those more traditional things of like, okay, it's quarter end.
How did I do? What am I trying to do in the next quarter? How can I make sure that any of the actions I'm taking really align with the values I'm saying I hold?
Passionistas: Yeah, in terms of that, um, you know, giving yourself grace, it's like you, I saw on your website that you talk about how people can use self compassion to unlock their power.
So talk about that. How can, how can we cut ourselves a little slack to strengthen ourselves?
Stephanie: You know, it's amazing to me how self critical we all are dialed in to be. I mean, it's so interesting too, because what I've noticed, and I'll point this out a lot with my clients in both of my practices, is we always give this warning of like, I don't want to brag, but, and then you say something positive, but nobody ever says, I don't want to completely crap on myself right now, but, right?
They just so freely and very timid about being positive. And so I think the key that I have found to helping people practice self compassion is to not actually think about yourself, because we are hardwired to be critical right now. And so instead I practice teaching them to treat themselves like a friend.
So I will always, like, when people are telling me these statements, I'm like, would you ever call up your best friend and say that? And they're like, Oh my gosh, no. I'm like, okay, so why would you let that thought roll around in your own head? And I think a part of self compassion actually comes from saying things out loud, because we get so used to that noise in our head.
It's kind of like background music where you don't even realize you're hearing it, but you are, and your brain is absorbing that. And then there's. reticular activation system, where what it does is it filters all of the information to match whatever you've put in. So junk in, junk out. If you tell your brain, I'm bad at this.
It's like, sure, here's all the evidence that supports that. And it's, Inaccurate. It's not keeping things in perspective. And so by kind of treating yourself like a friend, I mean, we tend to be more encouraging. We tend to be more kind. We tend to be more compassionate. And so ironically, that would be my number one tip on self compassion is to treat yourself the way you would treat anyone else.
Passionistas: Yeah, that's great. And, and how does that then lead to boosting your confidence?
Stephanie: Well, I mean, just think about what it would feel like to wake up and be able to recognize that you both have things that you can continue to grow and expand in, and you have a lot of really strong strengths that you can build upon.
And I think that's where keeping in perspective is so critical. It's not like for every, you know, Area of growth, there needs to be a strength that matches it, but just knowing that both exist, and then it gives you confidence too, I think, in recognizing like, I've beat 100 percent of the problems I've faced so far.
What would make this one any different? Right? Somehow I've managed to keep showing up and getting up no matter what life has thrown at me or how I've gotten knocked down. And I think by just being able to kind of give yourself just that little bit of acknowledgement. It might give you the encouragement to take a step and do something differently or not feel so afraid to try to break the pattern that maybe you've fallen into.
Passionistas: Yeah. So what's the best, best habit that you personally have?
Stephanie: I think, honestly, the one that I value the most is when I sit and just really reflect. So, I try to do it every morning, as I said. Sometimes I'll forget, I'll just, you know, I'll wake up and I'll be really passionate about something and before I'm like, oh, wait, I've just kind of jumped into the day.
So, I will completely own that this is not a perfect habit in my life, but every day there is something new. And I'm here to tell you that I've had some time to reflect. I like to reflect on things I'm grateful for, because, you know, not only did I lose my mom, I've, this year was one of the most difficult I've faced yet.
I lost both my grandparents, I had health issues, and like it would be really easy for me to sit here and be like, man, life just really hates me. But instead I'm like, well, what How can I honor these opportunities for learning and growth and again, give myself credit for the fact that I continue to show up and get up and I'm working through it every single day.
And I think if we don't stop and pause. We lose the opportunities. It's instead I'd be focusing on the things that I didn't get done, or the things that I wish I'd said differently, or all of the ways that we criticize ourselves. And so, yeah, that's a really long winded answer to say the number one habit I think People can try to accomplish is just pausing and checking in with yourself.
So if you commute, do it while you're in the car. If you brush your teeth every day, take that as an opportunity. Like it doesn't need to be one more thing you do on top of all of your tasks. Build it into something you're already doing.
Passionistas: I love that, because that's, I think that's the thing that keeps people from building habits like that, is right?
I don't have time to do that. So, do it while you brush your teeth. I love that. Do it while you drink your coffee in the morning. Exactly.
Stephanie: Yeah. And I like to tell people, if you don't have five minutes for yourself, we have a way bigger problem to discuss here. Right? Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I think that's an important thing to keep in mind.
Passionistas: Absolutely. Absolutely. So, are there habits that you see in successful people that is sort of a thread that you see in common with a lot of successful people? A lot of people who are Able to live an aligned life.
Stephanie: My short answer is yes, but I'm hesitant to list them because I think that's where we fall in a comparison trap as well, where it's like, well, so and so said that their key to success was this, so I need to do that, right?
And instead, I think like, again, when you clarify what's most important for you, where maybe you're lacking most, Where we need to bridge the gap. It's really individual. So there are a lot of different habits that I think make people really successful. One that like has gotten really popular is the idea that you have to get up at like 4am to have a really successful day.
I will not get up at 4 a. m. unless my cat is waking me up, there's some sort of tornado going on outside, like, and I have no goal to strive to get up at 4 a. m. and I still consider myself very successful. So I don't want to avoid your question, but I also think recognizing that Habits that you need really depend on where you're starting, where you're trying to go, and what's most realistic for you in your life.
Because if you just try to develop habits that other people have told you, you may or may not succeed because they may or may not be what you actually need.
Passionistas: So how, how do you personally define success and has that changed over the years?
Stephanie: 100%. Um, I think the reason I like the question of how do you define success is because it highlights the fact that there isn't one definition.
We all get to decide for ourselves what it means, right? And so for me right now, success means that I'm living in alignment with my core values and my passions. But it's not just about achieving a specific title or milestone or income because how many people are like, oh, hit six figures, that's success.
But for me, it's really feeling energized by my work. It's really wanting to keep showing up and doing the things that I'm doing. And I think that also just kind of goes hand in hand in trying to really lead by example. I don't want to just tell everyone what to do. I want to really be able to do it myself and to be able to be honest and say, I really struggled here today.
I didn't do so great on that. Like, success for me is also just recognizing, as I said before, it's a process, and there's bound to be hiccups, and the more that we can see it as continuous growth and opportunities for learning rather than success or failure, and falling out of that dichotomous thinking, I think that's It's really important too.
And I guess I should also say success is really building and nurturing meaningful relationships. Right? Like I think it's also really easy for us to get sucked into our own world. And for me, I mean, I catch myself constantly. I'm like, oh, I'm too busy to do that social thing. Let me, I have too much work to do.
And so I think also keeping in mind that having a powerful community, it doesn't need to be big. But you need to have your people who can really kind of keep you in line and keep you motivated and maybe offer a check too. Like I had somebody this morning who was like, I just want to check in on you. I know you've got a lot of things going on.
Are you taking care of you? And I was like, you know, that's great to have somebody who recognizes that and who's willing to help you. Encourage me to reflect and notice that for myself too.
Passionistas: I love that. Amy and I need to do that for each other. Because we both work too hard and we need to remind each other to take care of ourselves.
A rotating list of people that I'd Yeah, you know, I check in on every once in a while just to make sure they're, they're doing okay. But you're right Nan, we should be better.
Stephanie: Yeah. See, progress over perfection, right? You're going to work on it with each other and help each other to do so. I love that.
Passionistas: Oh yeah, we are, we are the queens of progress over perfection with each other.
So you mentioned, um, having a rough year and you're talking and talking about transforming your challenges into opportunities. So what are some tips you might have for people to do that? I
Stephanie: guess what I would say is really focus on daily self care, because if you're not tending to your basic needs, then you really can't keep showing up and accomplishing this transformation.
So, what that means for me and the way I've gotten through this was really prioritizing rest. Not just physical rest, but also giving my body breaks, um, that can be stretching, taking a walk, or just sitting quietly. Um, mental and emotional rest. Um, sometimes it's just completely unplugging from screens. I love how connected we are in our world today and that we can do all of these things via Zoom, but Zoom fatigue is real.
So, I mean, when is the last time you just stared at a blank wall? Right? Like, we don't really know how to be bored anymore either, so really giving yourselves opportunity to completely unplug. If you have to, listen to some music, but giving yourself some quiet time. Um, I think another key is really finding your outlet.
Finding whatever activity or, um, exercise, there's no right or wrong, but something that really helps you to relax and to find joy is so important for me. I mean, that's getting out in nature. It can be going for a walk or it can just be sitting outside, anything. Um, and then again, I'm going to keep going back to staying connected.
I think it is so important that although I already advocated for time alone, it's also so important that you stay connected with others and that you don't isolate, because I think that's a natural tendency, too. We don't want to expose others to our pain sometimes or, you know, I mean, for me, I'd gotten so used to dealing with my struggles on my own.
It was actually hard for me to be around other people, um, when I was going through a hard time. And so being able to give myself permission to show up, um, and just continue to build those things are really important too.
Passionistas: It's funny that you say the thing about being bored, because I was thinking about that recently, how when we were little, I felt like I was constantly saying to my mother, I'm bored.
I'm so bored. And she'd be like, well, go read a book or go do this or go do that. And now it's like, I remember the last time I was bored. Like, It would kind of be nice to feel bored, just for like an afternoon to be like, I have nothing to do.
Stephanie: Well, think about it, though, you have your phone immediately there to placate you.
Like it's funny when I pull up to a stoplight, I always look around and almost everyone is on their phones because it's like, You can't sit there for the 60 seconds it takes for the light to change, right? You need something, some sort of stimulation all the time. And so it's interesting because even for me, it was like really uncomfortable and hard for me to allow myself to just, I don't even know that I'd call it being bored though, because.
I enjoy it so much now. I'm forgetting what it felt like to be like, Oh, man, I don't know what to do with myself right now. Like instead, I'm like, this is just such a welcome, quiet moment.
Passionistas: Yeah, yeah, much better perspective. Um, so not to be not as a point of comparison, but maybe as a point of inspiration.
Are there some success stories from from your work with people that you can share with us?
Stephanie: Yeah, I mean, it's really beautiful because I've been able to see people achieve success in so many different ways, and I actually just recently started kind of putting out some of the different testimonials to show that what they all needed was so different, and they were able to achieve that in finding alignment for themselves, in being more attuned to themselves.
Um, so for instance, like one person who, um, was struggling with confidence, confidence to put her message out Confidence to Price her products in a way that would allow her to have a sustainable business. Confidence in her abilities, right? I know I fall into this trap too. Like, even when I switched from psychology, I have my Ph.D., and I went and took a three month coaching course because I'm like, well, I don't know. Am I competent? I have to prove to myself that I have the skills, right? And so a lot of the time, um, when you're just like, The women I'm working with are constantly chasing these things. Well, I need to learn that or do this or get those titles to be able to show people that I know what I'm doing.
And so for her, I mean, the confidence was really just recognizing like, you already have all the knowledge you need. Everything that you need is already within you. So how do we just empower you to let that come out? Um, another person, it was. She really just needed to ask for help. She had been trying so hard to do everything herself, and the second she allowed herself to do so, again, the universe just sort of flooded her with everything.
And so it led to her getting her book published, which the world needed, right? And it took me reframing it from being about her asking for help, right? To, well, how does the world suffer if your message isn't out there? And again, the second she started to think about other people, it allowed her to show up differently.
Um, and I think another really important thing for other people that I've worked with is the success of slowing down. We live in a rat race world. Hustle is the big thing that gets thrown around. And I think we're getting more and more aware of like the detriment of doing that. But just because you're aware doesn't mean you know how to live any differently, and I mean, even for me, like, I've been working on combating that hustle culture for myself for years, but it was also, like, where I was living.
Um, so I continued to live in the Chicagoland area, downtown or near it, for over a decade, and I didn't realize how much just, like, the pace of the city, Even activated my heart rate and my response, like I would catch myself power walking everywhere. And I was like, hold on, I actually have to hurry. Why am I doing this?
I would speed everywhere too, as if like I was late all the time and I've only lived in the suburbs for two months now. And I think it's both. I live near nature and I've been able to slow down, but when I moved here, I was actually getting tested for Cushing's because my cortisol was so high and my doctors were like, there's no way this is just naturally occurring.
And after two months, I'm back in the normal range. So for me, that's success, right? Like having a body that's more physiologically aligned with Sustaining me. So, I mean, those are just a few examples of the many, but as you can see, like, there's so many different outcomes that people can be aspiring to achieve.
Passionistas: Right. That's fabulous. Um, so what's the question that we're not asking you about alignment that we should be?
Stephanie: I think a really important thing would be to ask, am I living in ways that align with my values or am I just going through the motions? Because we also, as humans, are really We're wired to have automatic responses. Again, our brain thinks it's doing us a favor of like, I'm just going to do this because it's what we've done, rather than assessing is what we've done, what I should keep doing.
So I think that's a really big one. And then I think like, in order to be able to ask yourself that question, the other thing you should be asking yourself is, what would happen if I gave myself permission to slow down and listen to what I really need? Right? So it's both that recognition and permission I think are, are so important.
Passionistas: You do such amazing work. How can people find you and work with you?
Stephanie: Um, I'm online. They can go to my website on Quorio. com, that's A N C O R I O dot com. I'm on Instagram and LinkedIn as well. So yeah, hopefully they'll check me out and I'm sure they can check out your podcast and the show notes there. All right. Bye.
Passionistas: Absolutely. So, um, do you have a mantra that you live by?
Stephanie: I do, and I think I already said it, but progress over perfection. Every day I have to just keep waking up and reminding myself I'm in progress. Today is another step in progress, in motion, always moving forward. And, um, with that, it really is about thinking about life as driving, right?
If I keep looking behind me, I'm going to crash. So instead I have to remember it's okay to check the rearview mirror every once in a while just to see where you've come from, but I want to spend the vast majority of my time focusing on where I'm going and what I'm trying to accomplish.
Passionistas: That's great. So one last two part question, which is, what is your dream for yourself and what's your dream for women?
Stephanie: My dream for me is honestly to honor the legacy of my mom, and I really want to dedicate my life to helping women embrace their selves as they are, their true selves, not the version they think they need to show up as. And with that, it really comes with breaking free from those expectations they've placed upon themselves, or that they think society is fitting on them, or putting on them to fit in.
Um, and so my goal there for myself is really just to use whatever time I've left on this earth to make a meaningful impact. Um, and hopefully women who work with me will want to live boldly and unapologetically. I think that's so powerful. And I think that kind of goes hand in hand with my dream for all women, which is that they'll recognize their unique power and worth.
It's not about How am I doing in comparison to you? It's how am I doing in comparison to myself? How do I feel confident in my own skin and live on my own terms and to free myself from the pressure to conform to anyone else's path? Um, so I really just hope that women will feel empowered to create a life that reflects who they really want to be and honor their own journey and desires.
Passionistas: Thanks for listening to The Passionistas Project. Since we're not only business partners, but best friends and real life sisters, we know how unique and truly special our situation is. We know so many solopreneurs, activists, women seeking their purpose and more, who are out there doing it all on their own.
They often tell us they wish they had what we have. So we've created a space for them and you to join our sisterhood, where trust, acceptance, and support are the cornerstones of our community. By joining, you become part of our family. We'll give you all of our Sis Tips on building meaningful relationships through the power of sisterhood and all the tools you need to thrive in three key areas, business growth, personal development, and social impact.
You'll learn from our panel of power Passionistas who are experts on topics like transformational leadership, letting go of perfectionism, the power of community, and so much more. You can connect with like minded women and gender non conforming, non binary people who share your values and goals in chat spaces, at online Passionistas pajama parties, and virtual and in person meetups.
And, you can register for our exclusive series of online courses designed to help you tap into your intuition, find your purpose, bring your mission to fruition, and integrate diversity equity inclusion in every aspect of your plan. Be sure to visit ThePassionistasProject.com to sign up for our free membership to join our worldwide sisterhood of passion driven women who come to get support, find their purpose, and feel empowered to transform their lives and change the world.
We'll be back next week with another Passionista who's defining success on her own terms and breaking down the barriers for herself and women everywhere. Until then, stay passionate.
Comments