Clear Out Trauma and Rewire Your Subconscious with Meryl Hayton
Meryl Hayton is dedicated to helping others reach their fullest potential so they can enjoy happier, healthier relationships with themselves, experience more joy in their lives, and follow their soul's purpose. Her own self-development journey led her to become a yoga teacher and discover Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), EFT or Tapping, and Optimal EFT. Meryl has successfully rewired her own stress and anxiety patterns, letting go of limiting beliefs, and improved her self-trust and confidence. She immersed herself in trainings and created the Emotional Clearing Method to help others clear out emotional trauma and rewire their subconscious, reshaping their perspectives about themselves and life. She feels blessed to have helped thousands of people and is on a mission to impact the world. She holds a safe and loving space to help others turn their relationship and life dreams into reality. If she isn't cooking or entertaining in the kitchen, you'll find her at the beach, walking, volunteering, riding her bike, or snuggling with her cat, Sammy.
Listen to the full episode here.
LINKS
ON THIS EPISODE
[00:01:54] Meryl Hayton on what she’s most passionate
[00:02:51] Meryl Hayton on where that passion comes from
[00:03:46] Meryl Hayton on her childhood and
[00:08:42] Meryl Hayton on when she started to take control of her emotions
[00:11:15] Meryl Hayton on discovering yoga
[00:15:38] Meryl Hayton on the benefits of yoga
[00:17:32] Meryl Hayton on when she first learned about tapping
[00:23:38] Meryl Hayton on describing tapping
[00:26:14] Meryl Hayton on optimal ETF
[00:30:39] Meryl Hayton on Ancestral Healing
[00:34:11] Meryl Hayton on how EFT helps people overcome loneliness
[00:36:38] Meryl Hayton on using EFT to cultivate confidence
[00:39:48] Meryl Hayton on her ideal client
[00:42:06] Meryl Hayton on what she’s learned about her self from working with her clients
[00:43:03] Meryl Hayton on a few success stories
[00:50:19] Meryl Hayton on getting in touch with her
[00:53:24] Meryl Hayton on her dream for herself and her dream for women
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Passionistas: Hi, we're sisters, Amy and Nancy Harrington, the founders of The Passionistas Project. We've created an inclusive sisterhood where passion driven women come to get support, find their purpose, and feel empowered to transform their lives and change the world. On every episode, we discuss the unique ways in which each woman is following her passions, talk about how she defines success, and explore her path to breaking down the barriers that women too often face.
Today, we're talking with Meryl Hayton, who is dedicated to helping others reach their fullest potential so they can enjoy happier, healthier relationships with themselves, experience more joy in their lives, and follow their soul's purpose. Her own self-development journey led her to become a yoga teacher and discover Emotional Freedom Techniques, EFT, EFT or Tapping, and Optimal EFT. Meryl has successfully rewired her own stress and anxiety patterns, letting go of limiting beliefs, and improved her self-trust and confidence. She immersed herself in trainings and created the Emotional Clearing Method to help others clear out emotional trauma and rewire their subconscious, reshaping their perspectives about themselves and life.
Meryl feels blessed to have helped thousands of people and is on a mission to impact the world. She holds a safe and loving space to help others turn their relationship and life dreams into reality. If she isn't cooking or entertaining in the kitchen, you'll find her at the beach, walking, volunteering, riding her bike, or snuggling with her cat, Sammy.
Please welcome Meryl Hayton.
Hi Meryl. We're so glad to have you here today.
Meryl: Thank you. Me too.
Passionistas: We are kindred spirits. So, start by telling us what you're most passionate about.
Meryl: Oh, I have to say one thing? Ha ha, no, you can All the things. Yeah. All the things. Um, what I'm most passionate about is helping women to know that they do have a choice to think differently, to be differently, to act differently.
That they don't have to stay stuck. And that could be stuck in a relationship. It could be stuck in a thought pattern. It could be stuck in anxiety. It could be stuck in, you know, where they live. I mean, anything, you know, to just know that, um, you know, that there is a world out there waiting for them.
Passionistas: So where does that passion come from? Is this something you've, uh, lived yourself?
Meryl: Uh, yes. Um, you know, in my, I mean, I live at the beach, and I never thought that that would ever come to fruition. Um, maybe down the line, I thought maybe I might have, I don't know, someday, you know, I'd like have a summer home or maybe I would just rent more often like an Airbnb or something like that, but almost three years ago now, um, I decided to just move from where I was living in North Jersey, a little more landlocked.
And, uh, now I live within five minute walking distance to the beach and it's amazing, really.
Passionistas: So tell us a little bit about your childhood and where you grew up and what your childhood was like.
Meryl: Yeah, um, I had what you might say a typical middle class, um, childhood in Wayne, New Jersey. And I had, uh, two, you know, a mother and a father, and, but I was the youngest of three, and there's 10 and 12 years.
in between us. And my sister was born first, and then my brother was born a couple of years later, and he had a heart condition. Still, I mean, he's still alive today, which is a miracle in and of itself. He's 10 years older than me, so I'm 55, he's 65. And he wasn't really supposed to live past 40. So for many, many years, my mom worried every single day about him, and they really wanted to have a third child, but they were afraid to, and she was just overwhelmed with life, you know, for so many years, so, um, You know, there's been a lot of people who have said, oh, you must be an accident or, and I was like, oh, no, I was so planned.
Like, so the opposite. Um, yeah. And then they had me. And, uh, you know, growing up, I remember, um, We always went out to dinner for someone's birthday. We traveled, we drove to Florida, many, you know, many trips, visited family in Virginia. We always went into the city and saw shows and, um, and I experienced a cultural upbringing and I was brought up Jewish.
So my parents were very involved in the temple. Um, although it was reformed and we weren't really, like, really religious, um, you know, because I was so young and my brother and sister were like almost out of the house. Like most, you know, it was almost like I was an only child. And, um, so every Friday night I went to temple with my parents and I was like the, the only kid there pretty much.
And, um, there's a part where, You know, of the service when the rabbi gives a sermon and I was always able to be excused and go in the back in the kitchen and help the, his name was Giuseppe, um, and help Giuseppe put out like the snacks and the dessert and the coffee and stuff like that. And I always, he always had a brownie for me and I'll never forget.
They were like the best brownies with walnuts and icing on top. I know. So that's all like. You know, the good stuff and not that there was anything terribly bad, but I did also, you know, my experience, even though I had all those experiences, I still felt kind of like I didn't belong. Um, I, you know, it wasn't really led to like follow me and like what I liked or encouraged to.
You know, create my own identity. And, um, I felt alone a lot. I didn't feel really, like, emotionally supported. I was, and still am, very emotional. That's why I teach the art of transforming your emotions. Um, and, you know, a sensitive person. And I've learned how that can be, um, a gift, you know, and not something that is bad.
And, but I didn't know what to do with that growing up, and neither did my parents. You know, so I was, uh, very emotional and, um, had lots of angry outbursts and things because, you know, if I, like, didn't get my way, I didn't really know how to, like, express that. So I suppressed it all and, um, you know, as I got older, I realized that all that was in me and I didn't want it in me anymore.
So I learned how to get rid of it.
Passionistas: Was there like an inciting incident that made you finally want to like, okay, I got to deal with this?
Meryl: No, just many. Yeah. Yeah. There's many that I think helped to. Remove it layer by layer by layer, you know.
Passionistas: It's interesting. We've been talking to, I feel like that's, this is, this happens, like we have themes that keep coming up at certain times, right?
And I feel like we keep talking to people who have similar experiences. I was the same way. I was very sensitive as a kid, very emotional. Um, we've talked to a few women lately who say the same thing. And, and, People just didn't know how to handle it and didn't teach them the tools that they needed to, to deal with it. So, when did you start to make that shift?
Meryl: What, you know, when did you start to think, okay, I want to start to kind of address this for myself? Yeah, around 20 years old. Uh, my father died home alone with me when I was 17, and obviously that was traumatic. Um, and I wanted to go to therapy then, when it happened, and, you know, we had like some financial issues because of the situation and stuff, and I went to like this local Y And I remember going in for an interview and they were like, well, you know, are you suicidal?
I'm like, no. They're like, do you do drugs? I go, yeah, I smoke pot and drink. Like doesn't every kid, you know? And they were like, okay, uh, well, your name's going to be put on a list, you know, and we'll call you when we have an opening. I swear like six months went by and I can remember getting the phone call.
I was sitting at the top of the stairs in my mom's house on the blue carpeting and I remember picking up my pink phone and the woman saying to me, Oh, we have an opening. And I was like, Oh, I'm fine now. Right. Fine. I like swept everything under the carpet and got a second job. And you know, I was like, Whatever, I was like, you know, just kind of made it through somehow or, you know, just kind of wanted to avoid all the stuff.
But then I realized, uh, you know, a couple years after that, that, um, my mom was remarrying. Uh, there was like a lot of dynamics going on and I didn't know what to do with myself. And I found, I actually found a coach back then, you know, in like my early twenties when that was kind of, you know, You know, a progressive thing back then, you know, cause this is, that's like 1989 or 1990, you know?
Um, and, uh, yeah, and I just started then and then eventually I did go to therapy. Um, and then I would say in my 30s, I went back to some therapy and then in my 40s was when I really started to get into energy healing and teaching yoga and mindfulness and, you know, learning all of that. And I loved the alternative You know, therapies and holistic health and all of that. So, that's just kind of, I just kept always following the breadcrumbs.
Passionistas: So let's talk about yoga. What got you interested in yoga specifically and inspired you to become an instructor?
Meryl: Yeah. Um, I had a nail salon for almost 30 years. That was my. I mean, I started in corporate America for six years, but, you know, so I'll say like, this, it was really like my first career kind of thing. Um, and with all, you know, like, you work like a dog, pretty much. There's barely time to go to the bathroom or eat. And, you know, after maybe 15 years of doing that, I decided, you know, it's not really working for me anymore, I need to cut down, I need to create space, make appointment times longer, you know, so that I feel better.
And I had, you know, so many years of the repetitive motion and sitting. And then I'd go to the gym and I'd be doing the crazy workouts and step aerobics and spin class and heavyweights and you know, all this stuff. And just, just wasn't jiving anymore. So I decided that I wanted to get into, you know, I wanted this, I wanted to feel this after so many years of being like this.
So that's what really got me into yoga. I started with private sessions and then worked into like my class at the gym and um, and I probably was practicing for about 10 years and a teacher of mine, I was doing hot yoga at the time, and a teacher of mine said, You know, you keep talking about, you know, something else besides, you know, like getting yourself out of the salon, like maybe you want to be a yoga teacher.
I was like, are you kidding me? I can't do all those fancy arm balances and all the handstands and all this, you know, that's not, no, and she wrote her the number down of the teacher who she, you know, was, you know, I'm just recommending. Just call her. I think just, just, just, just do it. Just call her, you know.
So I did. And a couple months later, I was in yoga teacher training. And I remember even after, it was like the three week mark. So I was already, as I said, doing hot yoga, but it was probably once a week. And where I did my training, Was a little bit hotter and more often and I had like, um, I got sick. I had like bronchitis.
I threw my back out from coughing and I was like, maybe this is not for me. Right? Like, maybe I was right, you know? Like, this really isn't for me. And my teacher inspired me to, Meryl, just, we're going to put a chair out for you. You're going to sit in a chair. Just do what you can. Don't worry about being, like, most of the people in the class were half my age and, you know, able to do all of the fancy, you know, arm balances and all the stuff.
And I was like, I don't. What kind of a teacher am I going to be, right? And I ended up being like the beginner, advanced beginner teacher that inspired people to want to, um, get the good foundation of their practice going, and then maybe move on. And I loved using props. So I brought in my creativity into my classes with fun music and props and themes and, you know, and it, it worked out and I taught three to four classes a week for about nine years.
Um, until I moved down here and then I felt like I needed to take a break because teaching during COVID wasn't really fun. Um, and I just needed a break, you know. So now I just sub at a place and it's chair yoga. You know, it's like restorative. It's chair yoga because I did a second yoga teacher training in 2017 and that was yoga therapy.
Um, and so, So I, you know, started in the crazy hot and then I kind of like ended in, I'm certified in chair yoga as well. And so I really like, you know, teaching more of the yoga therapy style classes.
Passionistas: That's cool. So for people who like, I haven't ever really gotten into yoga and I will count myself amongst them. I've tried it and I just don't think I ever found the right teacher. Um, I like Pilates but for some reason yoga I never got into. What are the, what are the benefits of yoga not only physically but mentally?
Meryl: Mentally, well, um, if you're talking about a flow type of a class, right, it's connecting breath and movement, and that could be really cleansing and detoxifying for your body. Um, and it helps you to really stay present in what you're doing in the moment so that hopefully you take that outside of the yoga studio and have more of a capacity to handle life's challenges. And then if you're doing more of a restorative or yin yoga has become very popular in the last few years.
So that's holding poses for a really long time, but all very restorative. Like most of it is like lying on your back or maybe lying on your belly or on your side or something and you're propped with lots of props. Um, and you're focusing on your breath. Now every teacher might do it differently. I like to focus a lot on the breath work.
Um, and it's constantly calling your attention back to the present moment, right? Constantly. And that practice is what meditation is, right? Like constantly pulling your focus back to your breath. And sometimes you're in poses, it could be up to maybe nine minutes. And it's maybe the three minute mark, you're like, Are we done with this already?
Like, you know, how long has it been, right? And you're wanting to check your watch, right? Um, so it's being able to work through those challenges and being patient with yourself. That, hopefully, we take, again, outside of the yoga studio, so you have more of a capacity to handle life's challenges.
Passionistas: And so when did you first, um, learn about tapping and what inspired you to learn more about that?
Meryl: Yeah, so in 2017, I knew I wanted to close my nail salon in 2018, and I was doing my second yoga teacher training. And she, I wanted her to help me to theme my yoga classes around self love, self acceptance, self development, because that's what I loved from the teachers who taught me.
So it wasn't just the physical practice. And she said, okay, great. How about at the end of our, it was a year, how about at the end of our year, we put a, like a workshop together for you? And I was like, it sounds amazing. Right. So I started researching like, I had a lot of support, always. Um, and someone inspired me to research energy medicine, energy healing, and jobs in that field.
Because I was led to be coach, be a coach, but what did that mean? Who was I helping? How was I doing it? I didn't really know. And um, I thought at first I might be helping the salon workers feel better. You know, mentally and physically with yoga and meditation and stuff like that, but didn't quite work out.
It was not really, I really wanted like out of that whole area, that salon world. Um, so, um, I don't know if you're familiar with the Krupalu Institute in Massachusetts, It's a major retreat center where they can host about 400 people at a time. And they have, um, a bunch of different workshops and they teach yoga, uh, like yoga teacher trainings and all sorts of things up there.
Um, it's a beautiful setting in the Berkshires. So I had been there a couple times and I got their catalog and I literally opened the catalog. Right to mind body medicine, like intro to mind body medicine. And I was already researching that. I found that and I was like, this is really interesting. What is this?
How do you get certified in that? And I was looking up all these programs and I even found a job, um, where someone, it was like a acupuncture wellness center or something. And they were looking for someone who was a mind body medicine practitioner. And, um, yeah, so I opened the catalog and I was like, well, I guess I'm going to take this class and drove up there and took the class.
And she, and I said, well, I know I want to work with her. She had a six month coaching program a year later. And I was like, well, I'm going to close my salon by then. And I'm feeling led to work with her. I think she'll be like my first real coach, you know, besides the one that I mentioned when I was 20.
But, and, um, she did a lot of EFT tapping. And at first I was like, I don't know, this is weird. I don't get it. I don't know. I even remember talking to this woman who was in the class with me at lunch. And I was like, You know, did you really, did you use EFT before this? Like, you know, where, where was everybody at with EFT?
And they're like, oh yeah, I love it. I'm like, really? I don't get it. You know, and uh, after that class, like I said, I knew I wanted to work with her, so I followed. All the inspirational videos and all the things that she did and everything, most of it was tapping. I said, well, I guess I gotta like this tapping thing if I'm going to work with her.
And one night I was in bed and I could not fall asleep because I couldn't get out of my head. I was second guessing myself and I had all these thoughts swirling about this thing that happened with some of my friends. And feeling bad about myself, I was like, I am not going to get sleep tonight. It's like one of those things.
I just can't shut down. Oh, maybe I should try that tapping thing. So I didn't even do a few rounds. And then all of a sudden I went, wait, what was I tapping on? Oh, and I really had to close my eyes. And like, what was I tapping on? Like I had asked myself a couple times. And I was like, oh, right. I guess that's what she's talking about, like, this profound moment of really dismantling and, you know, um, unraveling something that's in your mind so that you're not attached to it anymore.
And then it brought in, it actually brought in, like, these, like, what really happened in this situation that my ego, I think, just said, You know, no, you're, you know, you're, you, you can, you can second guess yourself, right? That's like the safe place to be and no, you can't follow really your intuition that, you know, and trust, right?
And, uh, yeah, it was like this. And I, at that moment, I was like, all right, it's on. This is it. Right? I found it. And then I was, where can I get training? Where can I get training? Where can I, how can I, how do I get certified? You know, and I was just like, I just poured myself into every possible, you know, training that I could do with it.
And still, like I have, I just came off a call before here, um, that is a practice group, uh, with the traditional tapping and the optimal EFT that I do, which is a meditative form. So, um, I do like weekly practice with. Sometimes more than one group, and I have a mentor, Gabrielle Rooten, from the Netherlands.
She lives in, um, Amsterdam, and we meet monthly. We're actually meeting tomorrow, also. Um, and we just bring, like, you know, my client is suffering with this, or I'm suffering with whatever. Like, how would you handle helping them to heal it?
Passionistas: So, for people that don't know what tapping is, describe the actual process of it.
Meryl: Yeah, so traditional tapping is tapping on your energy meridian points, and it's these basic recipe points, and those are the points that I use. Some people do both sides here, some people do this, but I typically do, you know, what I showed you. And it's hitting the 12 main Chinese energy meridian points, and the ends of them And it is shifting your stuck energy.
So if you believe that your issues are stored in your tissues, like from the book, Bessel van der Kolk, um, The Body Keeps the Score, uh, you know, I always refer back to that. And, you know, every single day, Event and situation that has happened in our lives, we have recorded the feeling, the sensation, the somebody's look, that somebody's inflection in their voice, all these little things.
And sometimes it's left in our body and it's left like trauma and it's stuck in there. So EFT, you know, the physical tapping, um, helps you to break that up, unravel it and dismantle it. And at the same time, We're saying like, even though I have all this fear and maybe it's stuck in my stomach, right, I'm choosing to acknowledge I feel this way.
So we're like acknowledging the feeling, we're accepting the feeling. Not everybody accepts it right away, but eventually when you get through some of this work and you remove what I call some of the emotional clutter in your system, you do You are able to start to say, I accept this about myself, I accept the situation happened, or, um, you know, when I first started out, it was basically like, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
And I was like, I don't feel that way. I didn't feel that way in the beginning about everything that I was working on, you know, so I don't go in with that right away, unless somebody really feel, excuse me, feels that, right? So, um, it's helping you to, right, unravel it, dismantle it, and develop a happier, healthier relationship with what it was, and let it go, um, have a different perspective about it. And eventually love and accept yourself about it, right?
Passionistas: So you mentioned optimal ETFs, EFT. So what's, what's that added layer on that?
Meryl: Yeah. So back in 2014, Gary Craig, who is the founder of traditional EFT, got a channeled download, um, of the optimal EFT and it's a meditative form. So we don't do the physical tapping.
So it's. Using a higher power and, um, which, you know, I believe is really ourselves, right? To help us heal ourselves. Um, so I'm guiding my clients, typically we start with traditional tapping because I want people to get super focused on what they are working on and what their goal is. And sometimes people come in and they're like, you know, blah, you know, like they just need to kind of reel it in.
Right. And we need to be really super focused and detailed on what they want to work on. And once we remove some emotional intensity of that and create some clarity, then we can go into the meditative form of it. So, um, very similar. A lot of people know Reiki. It's a spiritual energy healing. It's very similar to that.
You can use any higher power that you believe in. Um, and I use You know, my clients words, my clients experiences, their feelings, and my intuition, and put that into a guided meditation. And, um, it's even more powerful than the traditional tapping part. And they both work together, Um, better than I think separately.
So I always use both in any of my sessions or group programs or what have you. And, um, and then I am certified in Reiki level one and that's, um, I did level one probably, I don't know, 10 or 12 years ago and then I just redid it again with someone else and it's completely amplified my healing. You know, already, and I'm scheduled to do level two at the end of September.
So I'm really excited for that. Um, and then I bring in Law of Attraction, you know, and like, um, and, and through all of that, I've created my own emotional clearing method. So it's using all those tools as the foundation for transformation, you know, so it's unraveling where you're at. It's creating a goal.
It's removing emotional intensities that are keeping you from your goal. It's doing healing work, inner child healing, ancestral healing, surrogate healing, like distance healing, um, trauma healing, and it's rewiring. So it's, I want to be in my client's minds. And daily like challenges. So they have access to me in between their appointments on purpose.
Cause I want to know what exactly are you experiencing and, and helping them to create the consciousness that they need. To be able to pinpoint that's the pattern I want to change, right? And, and to be able to like pause before they do the comfort zone pattern that they're used to, right? The automatic pattern and how to rewire that and change it.
And that takes a little bit of. You know, nuances and time and, and stuff. Um, and then how do they need to be and feel and the energy that they need to be in and envision their goal already happening. So that's all law of attraction. So I marry that. I felt for me, that's what I need. All the things. I needed all the things all the time that I could grasp onto.
It's like, Oh, I need a little rewiring here. I need a little anchoring here. I need a little unraveling here. I need a little healing here. And that's how I put that emotional clearing method together. And I felt like that's what was working the best for my clients as well.
Passionistas: It's amazing how much attention to detail you put into it. And it's not just like, see you next week or see you next month. That's. Um, you mentioned Ancestral Healing. Um, talk about that and what that is and how that impacts people.
Meryl: , it's funny, this has been the topic this week. So, I mean I'll just use myself as an example. Even though I've experienced, um, my mom being critical and maybe my parents not really being able to show up for me to give me emotional support and things like that, um, I do feel that some of my own limiting beliefs are my mom's stuff.
And my mom's swirling beliefs. You know, like anxious thoughts of like, I'm not enough, or people don't like me, or I'm not doing enough, and those things, I feel like that was generational trauma, same kind of thing as ancestral healing, right? So, I can go in and surrogately, as long as I'm a clear channel, I can't be like mad at my mom or frustrated with my mom and be a channel.
Right? To help her heal. Now, my mom is still alive. She's 97 years old. Um, she's not able to physically really do the, like, she could tap, but she just wouldn't, it just wouldn't necessarily, you know, work with her. Um, her memory is not really the greatest, but, um, so I could be a channel for her. And I could say like, even though I'm feeling like nobody likes me, she lives in assisted living, you know, like nobody likes me.
And I know that this is a pattern I've had my whole entire life, but I choose to honor. I feel this way. Right. And then I can go through the points and like, I don't feel good enough. I don't feel good enough. You know, something like that. And you know, I can really feel into what I think using my intuition, my mom's experiencing and then healing that in her helps to heal it in me.
Now, I could go back to her mom or her father and do what I think they experienced. I could go into their parents and think what they experienced, because everything that they experienced ends up in the mother's womb, right? And then I'm born, or whoever's born, with their stuff. Not to mention, I'm What has been happening with the mother and the father, or maybe there's no father, and the mom was completely stressed while she's pregnant, you know, and then, well, like, all that stuff is You know, infused in us, right?
And we can grow with it. So what I find is when you've really cleared, like, all the events and the situations that you really feel were the big ones in your life, and you're like, I still can't seem to get over, you know, whatever the pattern is, whatever the thought, you know, swirl is, um, it usually goes back to generational trauma. You know, that's what I think.
Passionistas: We need to introduce Meryl to Ruby. Yes. Ruby deals a lot with women who experience trauma, but she, she studies the effects of trauma on the parent, on the mother, um, and how that's kind of transferred to the baby in the womb. Yeah, and you two need to, yeah, we need to connect you.
Meryl: Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you.
Passionistas: You've also said that EFT, or we've heard that, uh, that EFT helps people overcome loneliness and disconnection. So talk a little bit about that, how that works.
Meryl: When we are born until we're about seven years old, we don't know how to separate ourselves from what is happening in our outside external world, right? So, if, um, A mother, you know, experiences. The husband leaving, say, and they're abandoned. We could take that on as we're abandoned, even though it's not happening to us, right? And that could be something that's carried throughout someone's life. So sometimes it's what we see, That we take on like it's our own, right?
And then the other part is growing up like maybe we were, you know, in a divorced family and we went from the, you know, the father's house to the mother's house and the father's house to the mother's house or something like that. We just never felt like we fit in and we just always felt alone, right? Or like I said, somebody died.
Um, uh, or I mean, I worked with someone who had to care for their mom who was sick. Their father was always out at work. They were the only child. They had to care for their mom who was sick from when they were a very young age until they were out of the house at, you know, college years. And they never played with friends, you know, and they just never really developed.
Maybe social skills, or they just always felt alone. And um, you know, I worked with a client who didn't feel alone really growing up, but as she got older, she was divorced, a single mom, and a lot of her close friends passed away. And um, you know, she just doesn't really have, she's in a lot of fear of developing closeness with people, right?
So there's a lot of factors that come into that. Um, but I feel like a lot of it has to do with, you know, feeling abandoned in some way, shape, or form. Does that make sense?
Passionistas: Yeah, totally. In what ways can people use EFT to cultivate confidence and self worth?
Meryl: Well, usually people who lack confidence have a lot of fear, worry, and doubt. So they need to be focused on, Today, I have this fear of what? Like, in my future, right? Or today, I'm noticing that This situation that happened last week is causing me to doubt myself and second guess myself, or I'm worried about something, right, in my future. And you specifically need to write down examples of the time when such and such a happened, you know, like kind of currently in their past, or something that's currently going on.
Um, and tap on that. Right, like even though I'm feeling all this self doubt, I'm choosing to honor how I feel. And I feel all this self doubt because of XYZ situation that's happening. And, um, I'm open to the possibility of letting it go. Or I'm open to the possibility of, um, you know, increasing my confidence.
Or letting go of worrying about it. You know, there's lots of phrases that we can say in there, and um, there needs to be that encouraging piece, that rewiring, anchoring into something that's happening. So, how can someone Not how can someone, but you know, everyone's situation is different. Although we all might be experiencing the same feelings, our details are different, right?
So, you know, even though I'm worried that I'm not good enough. I know I am good enough, if that person feels that way. Right? And, um, you know, if there's something that's kind of like traumatic that happened, you know, you want to be able to say like, that was then, this is now, that's, it's not happening anymore.
Um, I'm safe here today, if they feel that way. Um, you know, it's okay to let these feelings go because it's not happening anymore. And that situation can never happen again. You know, like that's what I say a lot is that's a big part of my work because we're always connecting stuff that's happening now back to people's trauma, you know, and it doesn't have to be like these big traumas.
You didn't hear me say anything about big traumas in my life, but it felt that way to me. All right. It felt that way to my nervous system in my mind, you know, and, um, you know, I think some people, well, now I'm going off on a tangent here, but I'll just finish my thought, like, I feel like some people, Think, that's all right.
It's not a big deal. You know, like I, I didn't have any big trauma. It's okay. And they just avoid the little stuff, but the little stuff piles on the little stuff and the piles and piles of piles above. And then they don't understand why they're anxious all the time and they're not sleeping or they're, you know, digestion is irregular or something.
Passionistas: So who is your ideal client? What kinds of people come and work with you?
Meryl: Clients come work with me and they just say, I just want inner peace. I just want inner peace in my mind. I want to be able to be clear and focused in my mind. And then as I'm talking to them, I say, well, you know, what does your body feel like?
And then they tell me, I'm tense all the time. I'm tight all the time. I can't, you know, take a deep breath. I, you know, my belly's tight. I'm, you know, irregular. I don't sleep well. Right. And like all these things kind of unravel, um, you know, in, in our consultation, but, um, and then they usually say, I just, I just want to feel happier.
So they usually have had, um, relationship trauma. And a lot of women who have been in narcissistic relationships, find me. Because they want to feel better about themselves. They want to stop, you know, second guessing themselves. They don't come to me and say, I want to feel more confident. A couple do, but most of the time they just, I just want inner peace.
They don't even know what the inner peace is. They don't realize that it's them second guessing themselves and creating so much doubt. And worry and fear, right? And, um, yeah. And then some women do come to me, um, because they want to feel more confident in their business, in putting themselves out there in their business.
They feel public speak, fear public speaking, um, and fear putting themselves, you know, like doing something like this. Um, they feel fear putting their content out there. So I have worked with a bunch of women. You know, with that as well. And you know, everything is relational. So it's, you know, I say, you know, helping people transform anxiety and stress and unwanted emotions, you know, to inner peace and confidence so that they have healthier, happier relationships with themselves and more joy in their lives. And if you're doing that, you're following your soul's purpose, right?
Passionistas: Yeah, absolutely. So what have you learned about yourself from working with your clients?
Meryl: Oh, geez. I mean, all this I've learned patience. I've learned that I can't help everybody. I've learned that, you know, because I know I show up 150 percent but not everybody does, right? So I've had to let go of expectations, um, with my clients, right? Um, yeah, you know, and obviously it's, It's, um, it's also, you know, helped me in my marketing and all that, too, you know, yeah.
Passionistas: Can you share a few success stories of working with your clients?
Meryl: Yeah, um, someone came to me and did a one month program and she said, I'm afraid to leave my house. I'm afraid, she said, I do get in my car and I go to work, but I'm afraid to take the dog out for a walk. I'm afraid because of my narcissistic ex.
I don't want to run into him. I'm afraid that he, because he has stalked me in the past. And, um, I have all these, I, I, I know that I'm not lacking, I mean, I know that I'm lacking confidence, um, and I just want to feel, she's like, I, I've lost my smile, I, I've lost my joy, like, I just want that back. And, um, we worked together for a month, and like I said, in between our sessions, I was like, I want to know when you have a good day, and I want to know when you have a bad day, I want to know what you're thinking, what you're feeling, you know, all this stuff.
Um, And, you know, after the month, she was like, I feel amazing. She's like, I have my smile back, I have my joy back, I have no problem, I'm not afraid of running into my ex, I have no problem leaving the house and walking the dog, and, I mean, she would leave me messages and she would say, I'm walking my dog and I'm smelling the flowers and she also lives at the beach too.
Um, and she's like, and I'm noticing the trees and I'm smelling the salt air. And she says, I haven't been able to do that in like a year. So that's one success story. Um, I had another success story where I did work with this woman for probably about five months. Um, she had a lifetime of drama with her family.
Um, and in incredible amounts of anxiety, uh, she was in talk therapy. I'll say all my clients are usually in talk therapy and they end up not really needing it after we work together because we've just unraveled so much. They don't have really anything to talk about anymore, you know? Um, so this specific client made me think of that because she had been in therapy for about 10 years and someone recommended her to me.
And, um, she had a lot of famil like family drama and stuff. So there was stuff with her three kids, there was stuff with her sister, there was stuff with her mom, there was stuff with her dad, like just lots of stuff. So we had a lot of different scenarios and situations and things that we needed to unravel and work on.
And, um, I remember We were, we were working on her relationship with her daughter. Her daughter was in her, is, is in her like early 20s and did not live at home, but acted like a spoiled brat and blamed her parents. I mean, I only really, you know, I obviously only worked with the mom, but blamed her parents for every little thing that went wrong in her life and expected her parents to, you know, just do everything for her and just acted, acted out.
Um, I mean, my client messaged, she would screenshot their text messages so that I could really see what was going on, and the way that her daughter would speak to her was amazing. Unbelievable, so disrespectful, so I said, well we can do surrogate tapping for her at some point to help her, but we need to clear the stuff out.
I'm more concerned with how you feel right? We can't change people necessarily, but You know, we can change our reaction to them. Um, so we did that. We cleared, we got her to a great place where she felt like, you know what? My daughter can do whatever and I'm okay. And I'm not second guessing myself anymore, I'm not worrying, I'm not doing enough anymore, and then we did a 15 minute surrogate tapping session on what we felt her daughter was really experiencing underneath this entitlement, and her daughter was coming.
This was like the beginning of a week and her daughter was coming to visit for the weekend. So I said, and we record our sessions because sometimes I want people to replay and, you know, redo things. And I said, I want you to practice this tapping like two more times maybe before she comes. And leading up to it, she would message me, I'm really nervous.
And I would, you know, talk her into a tapping session on just that, and helping to stay really calm, and that it's all gonna be fine, it's all gonna work out, because she never really, she hadn't experienced in a couple of years, like, a really good happy weekend. So, her daughter comes. And she was different.
She was different. She was lighter. She was brighter. She even acted out, but then immediately, like, said, Oh, you know what? I'm sorry I did that. And started apologizing for things. And it's been, that was back in February, I think? And we're in, um, September now, so it's still there, like she still has that in her.
So even though I just said a minute ago, like, we can't change anyone, we really can, you know? But it's, it's not in the traditional way that people think, right? It's, it's not like, you need to do this for me, or you don't do that for me, or blah, blah, blah, right? It's not that way. We have to let go of that.
But this is through an energetic way, right, of helping people to clear stuff through distance healing. And she had no idea. We didn't tell her that we were doing it. So it's not like she knew, and it's like the, you know, um, what do they call that? The placebo effect. You know, it's not that. She knew. It's pretty amazing.
Yeah, and I did the same thing with one of my clients for her and her husband. Now, she could not be the channel for her husband because she was still really frustrated with him, but I did it for her husband. And it had been months since they had really connected on a deeper level or even went out to dinner.
And I did the tapping and I voice messaged her like all the stuff that I said and what I came up with using my intuition. And And that night he asked her, you know, could we go out to dinner tonight, and they actually had, like, I know, it's crazy. And he even said, she told me, she's like, Meryl, he even said one of the things that you said, that I didn't know he would say, or whatever, um, and, yeah, and they were able to have, like, you know, more of an intimate connection that night than they, than they had in months.
Passionistas: That's amazing. All right. Well, clearly everybody who's listening now wants to get in touch with you. So how can people do that and how can they work with you?
Meryl: Yeah. So I, as I mentioned the one month program before or a three month program, just reach out for a free consultation on that. And I'll discuss like what that entails and make sure that we are aligned to work together.
And you definitely get advice and healing and clearing in those sessions. Even though, I mean sometimes I do tapping with people. It depends. But just from the talking and all of my questioning, they're gonna feel better and more hopeful about their life. And if you're in New Jersey, I do in person programs in Morris, Monmouth and Ocean County, New Jersey. I sometimes am part of retreats. Um, you know you know, around, like I did a retreat, um, I did my program at the Kripalu Institute in Massachusetts, which is so interesting because where I learned about tapping seven years later, I was there teaching my tapping program, um, for the weekend, you know, so that was pretty amazing, uh, and I'm looking to get into more retreats like that, so that's a possibility, um, and I do have a virtual program, Um, September 29th, that is my Emotional Clearing Method program on Zoom at 6 p. m. Eastern Standard Time. I'm not sure when this comes out, but I'm gonna, you know, I'll probably get back into doing more of those. I was more in person for the last year, and now I'm doing, getting a little bit more online.
I don't have anything group happening right now. I find that the people who work with me really like the private work better than group. I think that's more who I attract. Not that I haven't done group programs, you know, in the past, but, um, if you want more of a taste and you still are not really ready, I have a lot of free content.
Everything is under my name. Website, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, everything is Meryl Hayton. Um, And if you go to my website, there will be a little pop up box to subscribe for the newsletter. You get a seven day free tapping series for that. That helps you to reach your full potential. There's other freebies that are in that email series.
And I only send out about two emails a month. One is usually like what happened in my life, and like the next one will be for like what happened in September. And it's like pictures, it's stuff, my cat, maybe cooking, a party, I was singing karaoke. It's like my life. Like I'm really sharing maybe my own transformations I went through, or.
You know, it's real, real stuff, um, and there's always a tapping video in that, and then I do a second one that is just strictly like a tapping inspiration video. Um, so there's lots of free content out there on my YouTube channel, and I do reels on social media, so there's a lot.
Passionistas: That's fabulous. So we have one last two part question.
Meryl: Okay.
Passionistas: What is your dream for yourself and what is your dream for women?
Meryl: Okay. Um, my dream for women is that they really stand, they're really able to stand in their personal power and not give it away to anyone else and feel their own sense of agency. Um, that's, you know, and really feel like they have a choice.
Right? That's really what I hope for women, that they don't have to stay stuck.
Passionistas: Thanks for listening to The Passionistas Project. Since we're not only business partners, but best friends and real life sisters, we know how unique and truly special our situation is. We know so many solopreneurs, activists, women seeking their purpose and more, who are out there doing it all on their own.
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